Q&A With Cafe Rio CEO Bob Nilsen
Tell us how you came across playing for Highland rugby and what year it was.
I was a senior. It was the second year in the history of the team. It was roughly 33 years ago.
Larry was a seminary teacher, he was a young guy about 25 or 26. At the time, he seemed old to us but as I look back, he was a kid. Somehow I got to know him and some of my friends were playing. We went out, started to play and we fell in love with the game. I think more so we fell in love with Larry — Coach Gelwix — his approach and the whole thing. It’s a tough game — a lot of big hits, a lot of camaraderie. We wound up going with the team to Hawaii for our senior graduation… Such a short event has had a profound impact on my life. It’s amazing to me.
How does what coach taught relate to you in business? (The story of Hong Kong)
At a leadership conference once I was asked who my most influential teacher had been in my life, and I said it was Larry. And when asked to explain why, I said he cared about us, he loved us, he took an interest in us — he also taught us principles, but the love came first, and the caring. Within just literally a handful of months, he had become my most influential teacher that I used on a totally unprompted basis many years later.
Tell us about how you came back to Utah and about your son Josh starting to play for Highland rugby.
We came back to Utah to take over Cafe Rio, which we had purchased. I then reconnected with Coach Gelwix. We’re great friends. He takes a tremendous interest in me now — then and now. We got talking and I said, “Josh could play,” and Larry said, “I’d love to come talk to him.” So he came over to the house, took the time and effort and talked to him, brought him out, and before I knew it, Josh was on the team and playing. And, I have to add, loving it. He’s played soccer, he’s played a little cricket, he’s played basketball and this and that. We were overseas for so many years that he didn’t know a lot of the American sports, but he took a liking to rugby unlike anything in his life up to this point.
Has it affected the relationship that you have with Josh? Why?
This has had a tremendously positive effect on our relationship. At the age of 15 when sometimes the conversation doesn’t flow as perfectly as you would like it, we talk rugby. We’re excited about rugby, we watch games on TV together, we’re around the house making passes — to the chagrin, sometimes, of my wife as we’re looking to break windows and almost everything in the house — we’re in a fair bit of trouble. But the fact of the matter is she loves it, he loves it, I love it and it brings us together, something we love.
Let me just tell you one short story — one of the most impactful, heartfelt moments of my life. When I came over the hill to where Highland Rugby was playing — the sun started to set a bit, the snow-capped mountains were there — and there was Josh just going at it in his game playing for Larry. I was overwhelmed with a sense of love for my son, appreciation for this coach and just joy for the seasons of life and families and how they’re connected. There I was watching my boy 33 years later play for this great coach, knowing that he’s having these fantastic experiences and being able to watch and enjoy it. It was one of the most meaningful moments that I’ve had in my life.
Tell us how somebody affects your child more through those ages than what a parent can.
I’ve been a Young Men’s leader a number of times and the studies that the church has down show that at a certain point in a young man’s life, another leader aside from the young man’s father can have an enormous impact on how they perform, their aspirations, the things they choose in life and the decisions they make. I believe that Larry has played that role. He’s playing it now with Josh. I know he’s had that same influence on the couple thousand plus young men that played for him. I believe that they hear a lot of the important messages that parents are trying to teach and get through to them, but they hear it in a voice that breaks through — in a voice that’s clear. And it reinforces the foundation that has already been set or that parents are working to establish.
Tell us about the vision of Coach — how it started when you played and how you see it now playing out with your son.
Well, there’s a picture of Coach with myself and my best friend in Hawaii, this was his second year, and already some of the principles that he now teaches, that he’s refined a bit over the 33 years — as a 25-year-old, he was teaching those principles. He had us together, he taught us values, he taught us camaraderie. He taught us standards, he taught us about not embarrassing people, ourselves or our families. He was, as I earlier described, one of — if not the most — influential individuals. And I was only with him for a number of months playing rugby in my senior year of high school.
How does that affect Josh now that his vision and principles are still the same?
Well the principles are principles that are just simply true and so they resonate. But what Larry does is he puts them in an environment and through a voice and in a situation where they break through. They reach the heart and reach in such a way that the boys want to live those principles for themselves, for their families, for their friends, for the team. All those things come together and have a tremendously positive impact because of that.
Have you seen that impact on your son?
I have seen that impact on Josh. He’s fierce on the field, wants to be tough, wants to hit, wants to play — in fact, he’s hoping that one day he’ll be good enough to get a scholarship. So the impact has been enormous and the principles are having a great impact on his life. I just think he’s simply better because of it. He comes back from his practices and he’s motivated, he’s inspired, he loves the game, he respects the coach, he loves the guys that he plays with. So it’s a whole package of things that come together to impact him and the impact is profound.
Do you mind talking about how Coach steered Josh to the right path?
When I think of the things that we did when we were at his age, I don’t want to go there either. We were not perfect. Who is? He certainly is not. But I’ll tell you, the fact is, where the communication was at times strained between a dad and an older son and he’s trying to get his wings and fly and all of that, rubgy has served to be a conduit to allow for great conversation — something that we have in common and something that we love together. Frankly, we’re kind of through that rough patch and we’re the best of buddies, and we were then, but there was a time when it wasn’t that easy. And this is the time when Larry stepped into the picture and got him involved, and he also sees that his dad was not a total dud but kind of cool when he hears, “Dad played rugby…Dad did this and that…There’s Dad in Hawaii with Gelwix…Man, I never really saw my dad in that light before.”
What about your trip to Hawaii? You said the pennies dropped for Josh when he’d seen where you’d been.
My family was taking a trip to Hawaii and on the plane ride over, the movie “Forever Strong” was shown. Couldn’t believe it. We loved the movie and it had an impact then, but even having Josh watch that movie with the values, the teaching and those things, the impact was profound. But I explained to Josh that I’d been over there 33 years ago with Larry playing two games. I’d scored my first try, or touchdown — I had to explain it was my only touchdown, but Josh, the penny kind of dropped for him as Dad did this. Dad was almost cool. (Laughs) Let’s not go that far, but you know what I’m saying. I was over there at the game, he’s got the picture of Larry, myself, my best friend, under the palm trees in Hawaii in his room — it connects us. It connects us in a very real way.
You’ve seen the film “Forever Strong,” how closely do you think it relates to what Coach is teaching now? If you were telling an audience about this film, what might you say about it?
It’s hard to get 33 years with 2,000 boys into an hour and a half film. The lessons and the impact go so far beyond the film, it’s hard to even begin to describe. The gap was wide even though the film was terrific.
What are things that (Larry) did at that young age in your life that helped mold you into what you would become?
He was always teaching us, but we didn’t know that we were being taught, but isn’t that the key? To influence and to teach without being in someone’s face about it? To gently, quietly point out things and to involve them? But we wanted to be good for him. We loved the guy. We loved his coaching. It was cool. The whole rugby thing was tremendously cool in our school. The school would come out and watch it, so we wanted to be good for Larry. He took a very active interest in our lives, in what we were doing. He spent time with us, he traveled with us, he was interested in us. And we had a common love — it was rugby.
Do you feel like Coach Gelwix helped get you on that path (to a mission) or were you already there?
I was on that path. I was always going to serve a mission. But without a doubt, the values that he taught us helped keep us on a straighter and narrower path, shall we say? I think there was more reinforcement of the same good things but from a voice that we wanted to listen to.
How about for your son? Do you feel like it’s the same concept of 33 years ago, that he’s helping him prepare?
There’s no question that he’s helping Josh prepare. Not only for a mission, but for life, in the lessons that he’s learning. And of course he’s learning discipline on the field and toughness, leaving it all on the field, competitive spirit…we don’t talk too much about those things. But to be an 18-time national champion, you get those things in spades, right? A fierceness about playing, a toughness about hitting, an energy about giving everything to something. And the thing is that track record that they get there serves them well in other things that they will do in their life.
How does that make you feel knowing that there’s this DVD that can be in the homes with those teachings?
Larry has a track record of 33 years of influencing young men and getting through to them. You’d be crazy to not want to watch it. He’s done this time and time again and he does it so naturally. So to not use that resource would just not be wise once you understand that it’s out there. It’ll be a tremendous asset to whoever because of the values and the principles that he teaches but, more importantly, the way that he teaches them.
What are some of those specific values he instills in those players?
The Word of Wisdom is one of them but he teaches principles at a higher level, that of not doing anything that would embarrass you or your family or the team, and so it establishes a broader parameter of, “Be a good person. Do the right thing.” And then the principles of the Word of Wisdom, attending church, service, staying clean, telling the truth — all of those things fall very nicely under that umbrella.
(On team experience)
I was on the second team. It was amazing to be part of something that was so young and fresh and, frankly, unknown. And now, 33 years later, my son is part of this powerhouse world championship team. It’s so exciting to have known the beginning and to see where it is now and to know all of the great things that have happened in between.
(On Larry’s influence when he became a bishop)
Larry and I have had a great friendship over the years and we’ve been able to, since moving back, spend more time together. And as I was called to be a bishop, he came and he coached me on a few things that I would want to think about and do to be a more effective bishop. One of them was to pay attention when someone says, “Bishop, do you have a minute?” and to listen for those words and to know that there was someone in need. And he also taught me a scripture in Nephi about how we might not know the meaning of all things but how much, “God loveth his children,” and as such, he would help the bishop — help me — to help those I had the opportunity to serve.
(On Larry still coaching)
Larry continues to be a coach in so many ways. He will go into a Cafe Rio, he will be in line, and he will see something that he knows is happening in one of our restaurants and next thing I know, I will get a long e-mail and/or a call or a visit that says, “You know, you might want to think about this…you should train on this…” and it will be spot on. Next thing you know, that e-mail is going out to every person on the whole Cafe Rio team. Shoot, he’s still coaching me — on how to be a bishop, on how to run our business at Cafe Rio, on how to live our life and also with my son, which I love and appreciate. But he does it in such a kind, gentle, unobtrusive way.
Once he watched a team member put pork on the burrito (at Cafe Rio) and they thought they’d over portioned so he’d take a little bit off. Larry said, “No, no, no. You’ve got to do it like the lady that does the jelly beans — you’ve got to put a little bit more on, a little bit more on, then you give them a wink and put a little bit more and a little bit more. That’s the way you’ve got to do the pork on the burritos and the salads. Next thing you know, the whole Cafe Rio system was, “We’ve got to put a little more pork on. Never ever take the pork off!” He’s always looking for a way to improve your life, your business, whatever, helping coach you.
Bob Nilsen, Cafe Rio | patrick April 8, 2009
