Making the Tough Choice to Serve A Mission

Choosing to serve a mission is a choice many young LDS men and women have to make.

Giving up to two years of your life to serve the Lord was not an easy decision for John Kimball, former Highland rugby player. He turn to Coach Larry Gelwix for advice.

“I remember talking to him about serving a mission one night, and really my thoughts as to why I didn’t think I would go,” Kimball said. “And he said to me something that stuck with me my whole life. ‘You have two years to serve the Lord and the rest of your life to think about it.”

Gelwix told his young player that if was going to serve the lord, he needed to commit to it, and leave it all out on the field.

“And I kind of made that connection between the rugby field then also the mission field. And that’s exactly how I decided to serve,” Kimball said. “I had a fantastic mission. I had an experience on my mission that to this point I think really I could have gone a really different direction in my life if I hadn’t made that decision.”

The Principles of the Highland Rugby Team

The principles of the Highland Rugby team are gospel based principles. Coach Larry Gelwix says: It’s honesty, integrity, it’s doing your best, it’s making mistakes and correcting them, it’s looking out for the other guy, it’s treating people that you don’t need with courtesy and respect, it’s always striving to do your best and be your best.

A few Highland Rugby alumni shared what principles they learned while playing for Coach Gelwix:

John Kimball 1985-86

The first thing Larry did was sit us down and said these are the commitments you have to make. No alcohol, no drugs, no smoking.

Johnathon Law 1989-93

You will be honest, that you will have integrity, that you will watch out for the best interests of your community, your family, your team , and yourself.

Jon Schmidt 1984-85

Your character and not just your sports ability, but who you were inside.

Anthony Cannon

Discipline, commitment, honesty, integrity, working hard.

Blake Burdette 1996-98

Caring about each other and to focus on doing your best.

Dan Berg, current assistant coach of Highland Rugby

Whatever your faith may be, Larry taught us to be true to that faith and be the best member of that church you can be.

Bob Nilson 1976

Not doing anything that would embarrass you, your family, and your team. It establishes a broader perimeter of being a good person and doing the right thing.

High Values Create Championship Teams and Boys

Coach Larry Gelwix if often asked why the Highland Rugby players have such high values and expectations off the field.

“For two reasons,” Gelwix says. “Number one, it wins games and championships. And two, it produces championship boys.”

The Highland Rugby team has won 18 national championships in the last 25 years.

“It’s infinitely easier to win a national championship, than to turnout a championship boy.”

Thousands of former players went on to serve fulltime LDS missions and find success in all aspects of their life.

Q&A With Jon Law

WHEN DID YOU PLAY FOR HIGHLAND RUGBY?

I played for Larry Gelwix on the Highland Rugby Club from 1989 to 1993, so five years total.

WHAT KIND OF PERSON WAS COACH GELWIX?

I remember back when I was a fairly inconsequential part of the team as a 9th grader. We were taking a trip over to Denver, and although I didn’t contribute much on the field — he knew that it was my first time on an airplane — he made sure that he rearranged  all of the seats so that I could have a window seat my first airplane trip.  He had two teams going, all of the gear, the members of the team that were traveling and there was a lot to keep in mind, but for him, there was nothing inconsequential.  He’s always been able to think about the small parts as well as the big.

DO YOU APPLY ANY OF THE PHILOSOPHIES YOU LEARN FROM COACH GELWIX (GELWIXISMS) IN YOUR BUSINESS TODAY?

I operate a lot of my philosophies in business and other things based on the philosophies that Larry taught me.  For instance, his philosophy on horizontal leadership rather than vertical leadership — I employ that in business today and it allows people to all be empowered and feel a sense of connectedness to the direction of the company and its success.

I think that I use “Gelwixisms” frequently without planning to.  Working in a bishopric with young men gives me a lot of opportunities to revert back to those things that Larry taught me.  One of the things that I work with young men on is doing their absolute best, regardless of situation.  Not comparing themselves to anyone else in their quorums, in their groups or in their social circles.  And as long as they can always do their best, they don’t have to worry about wins/losses.  I think we tend to get caught up on if you’re going to be in a competition, there’s going to be a winner and there’s going to be a loser.  The thing that I learned from Larry is that there is a third alternative that people don’t think about all the time, and that is sometimes you’re just going to come up against somebody who’s better, faster, stronger smarter, and as long as we do our best, we can get beat and still hold our head high and not feel like we’re a loser because that third alternative can enter the equation.

HOW DID COACH GELWIX INFLUENCE YOUR CHOICE TO SERVE A MISSION?

With regard to my mission and Larry’s influence on that — boy, it’s loaded.  There are a lot of things I learned from Larry.  But let me just share this: Hartman Rector Jr. used to say that the Lord wants to bless us and he puts most of the blessings in the second mile and he tells us to go there.  When I was on my mission and I read that, I learned that that’s what Larry had been doing this entire time in Highland Rugby as well.  When I found that I thought that I was spent and exhausted and completely useless, Larry found a way to get me to turn myself inside out to find that there was something deeper there — to tap a hidden reserve, to tap strength that I had no idea existed.  And by doing that, I was able to expound my boundaries and to extend myself beyond my own self-imposed limitations and it made me a better missionary.  It inspired me, as I understood the crystallization of that lesson, to reach people when I was exhausted on my mission, to go find people that may be hurting and needing something more and to serve them.  And it was all about going into that second mile on my mission and finding prosperity that I may never have found on  my own.

HOW DID CHARACTER PLAY INTO THE TEAMS SUCCESS?

I remain connected with rugby today because I believe that it’s one of the most player-rewarding sports that an athlete can play.  In rugby, it’s not about the coach.  It’s not about the coach telling you where to go or what to do.  It’s about a coach teaching you the right way to go and letting you make the choice on the field.  In a rugby game, you may go offense-defense-offense within a 15-second period.  There’s no way that a coach can tell you what to do within that time frame.  So it’s a bit reminiscent of how Joseph Smith said, “Teach them the right way to go in their youth,” and they will never deviate from the teachings that they receive in their youth.  And I find a lot of parallels in rugby with that.  It’s a player’s game.  It promotes fitness, it promotes diligence, it makes one find their limits and push beyond them, and it empowers. And Larry always taught us to find ways on the field to be creative.  I’m not sure that he would enjoy me saying this, but I really didn’t learn that much about rugby from Larry.  What I learned about rugby came from most of the older players.  And Larry understood that winning championships, winning games, was 50% about rugby and the other 50% was about character and discipline and drive.  And that’s what I really learned from Larry.

HOW WAS WORKING AS AN ASSISTANT COACH?

After my playing days and my competitive days were over, I went back and I was assistant coach with Larry for five years, and the biggest thing I learned from that is just the intellectual challenge that is associated with coaching — the demands of always being prepared to give an answer and how challenging it was to organize the team in that fashion.  There’s so much that goes into creating a team that competes at this caliber and, as a coaching staff, it was important to always be prepared ahead of time when your input was asked. And I don’t know that the players really understand — I know I didn’t, as a player — understand just how much that goes into the planning sessions and all of the strategy, the coaching strategy, from the day-to-day basis in practice, the game-to-game basis weekly.

As far as teaching the philosophies (goes), it’s important that all of the coaches are unified in the direction.  We wouldn’t want any of the boys to get a divisive direction; all of the boys are moving in the common goals.  And so what we really did as assistant coaches is to reinforce the things that Larry was teaching because Larry was too busy with the organization.  It was our job to meet with them day-by-day, teach them on a daily basis of the core philosophies that drive the team forward.

HOW DID COACH GELWIX LETTERS HE WENT TO MISSIONARIES AFFECT YOU?

Although I had already decided to go on a mission long before I ever became involved with Highland Rugby, it was amazing to me every month that as busy as Larry was, he always found time to send a newsletter to all of the missionaries that were around the world.  In those newsletters I found a number of things every month that I could use in my teaching to reinforce and to strengthen me as I went along. He commonly quoted prophets and apostles, one of which was Writings at the Turn of the Century by Orson F. Whitney called “Spirit Memories” that talked about how every salient truth that comes so forcibly to the heart and mind of man is but a reawakening of our spirit memories.  And as I went out to teach people, it was remarkable to know that I didn’t have a job to teach people, my job was more or less to remind people of things they already knew.  It became a great source of strength to me.

WHAT DID COACH TEACH YOU ABOUT PREPARATION AND INTEGRITY?

One of the unique things about rugby and the way that it’s coached is that you don’t find the coaches on the sideline on game day.  They’re actually sitting in the stands in international matches and high level matches, and that’s because the teams have already been prepared before they take the field.  That’s much the way that we found ourselves operating after we were in the mission field.  Larry had prepared us with philosophies and a drive that allowed us to hit the ground running.  It really mitigated the lead-in time and the learning time that it took for us to become really effective missionaries.

When you play rugby for Larry Gelwix, it’s expected that you will be honest, that you’ll have integrity, that you’ll watch out for the best interest of your community, your family, your team, yourself.  The one overriding rule is simply never do anything that would embarrass you, your family, your team or your community.

HOW WAS DID COACH GELWIX INVOLVED WITH THE MAKING OF THE FILM?

During the filming of the movie, Forever Strong, it was fun to watch Larry in his role as rugby choreographer.  He was responsible for the technical aspects of rugby and everything you saw on camera, relative to the game of rugby itself, was basically driven by Larry and his creative genius.  He was responsible for a lot of the things that the coaches said on set, the movements of the players, the design of the rugby pieces and sets.  Really it was a fascinating thing to watch all of the different camera angles and the takes and the patience to take rugby in its beautiful, natural sense and put it into a film.

WHAT DID THE ACTORS THINK OF THE HIGHLAND RUGBY TEAM?

I think that during the filming of Forever Strong, the stars that played roles in the movie found that there’s a very unique spirit that accompanies Highland Rugby.  They said many times that there was just a different feeling on this set than on the other sets that they had been involved in.  I think that the love, the companionship, the camaraderie, the strength of unity that pervades the Highland Rugby Club touched them.  I think they really became attuned to the true nature of the game, especially after the boot camp they were put through in order to learn rugby.  They came in as pretty raw, athletic specimens and after a short boot camp they became passable.

YOU WERE CALLED ON YOUR MISSION TO OKLAHOMA, NOT THE MOST EXCITING MISSION. BUT HOW DID COACH GELWIX HELP YOU GET PREPARED?

I received a call to the Oklahoma Tulsa Mission, and I was having a difficult time getting excited about that.  But as Larry met with me, he helped me to understand the very unique and authentic call and how my talents could specifically benefit those in that particular part of the world.  I hadn’t viewed it that way up until that point and my entire outlook on serving in the Oklahoma Tulsa Mission completely changed. I had the opportunity of working  underneath a brilliant mission leader that taught me so much about business and things, and he was right — it was the perfect place for me to go.  I really learned a lot about the authenticity of the divine nature of mission calls because of that discussion with Larry and the other things that he had taught me leading up to that point.

WHAT WAS YOUR EXPERIENCE LIKE MEETING ELDER WIRTHLIN?

As a coach, we had many opportunities to go down and visit Elder Wirthlin in his office in the administration building downtown.  It was fun to listen to him tell his stories about his days as a University of Utah football player.  Many of the boys had never met an apostle before and to have that opportunity to feel of his spirit in his office was truly a unique opportunity.  One that I’ll never forget.

Rugby Players Credit Gelwix With Helping Them Become Champions off the Field

Article courtesy of Utah State University, Jon M. Huntsman School of Business

Mark Nelson said he remembers the first time his Highland Rugby team played Utah State University.

“I was so afraid that we would literally get killed by these college players that I was physically shaking before the game from fear and apprehension,” Nelson said.

(CLICK TO WATCH VIDEO OF COACH LARRY GELWIX TALKING TO USU STUDENTS)

He said his coach, Larry Gelwix, seemed convinced his Salt Lake City high school club team could compete and beat USU.

“The first five minutes of our first game were terrible,” he said. “Three of my teammates were literally carried of the field from injuries that included a broken leg and a dislocated collar bone.”

Gelwix didn’t falter. He encouraged them on and, after their “initial shock,” the team started to play hard, Nelson said. They won.

(Larry Gelwix talks with Vladimir Sosa, a senior majoring in operations management and human resources.)

However, the real victories, if Gelwix is to be believed, happened later in Nelson’s life as he reaped the benefits from applying the principles Gelwix taught him.

“I remember him putting his arm around me,” Nelson said, “and telling me that he is expecting big things out of me in life, that I had the potential to do amazing things.”

Nelson said he went on to become student body president at the University of Utah, to get his MBA from Harvard and to found his own private equity fund and consulting firm, “Value Added.”

It’s not that Gelwix doesn’t like to win. It’s clear Gelwix is proud of his teams; in 33 years of coaching, his teams have earned a 379 – 9 record. He is quick to give credit for those wins to the young men he has coached. The USA Rugby association has held national championships for 24 years and Highland Rugby has won 18 national championships, placed second five times and third once.

Gelwix’s rugby success was the inspiration for the movie “Forever Strong,” a film that was released in fall 2008 and is due out on DVD in May 2009. Gelwix said the movie combines true stories from several seasons and puts them all into one season.

Gelwix has demonstrated that the principles he teaches generate results in the business world too. He is the CEO of Columbus Travel and former CEO of WinAir. Larry was one of the principal owners of Morris Travel. he and his partners sold Morris in 1995. He is the “Getaway Guru” on KUTV, 2 News This Morning, and on his syndicated radio program “Travel Show” airs throughout the Intermountain West.

Bob Nilsen is a former player who went on to become president of Burger King and chief operating officer of Taco Bell. He is now the president, COO and owner of Café Rio.

He said Larry has “the whole package” when it comes to leadership. “He is not an in-your-face coach, but he captivates your mind, your passion – you want to win for the man, you want to excel and you want to live a good life.”

Several former players told stories of Gelwix visiting them at home to help them work through hard times that had nothing to do with rugby.

“When players need help in their personal lives or with their athletic abilities or anything, Larry is there to help,” said Anthony Cannon, a senior at University of Utah. “I admire that a lot.”

John Kimball is now the senior vice president of business operations at Réal Salt Lake. He said he still teaches and applies what he learned from Gelwix in his work.

“The principles the coach taught make perfect sense in business,” Kimball said. “He taught us to leave it all on the field. He taught us to be unified as a team and focus on a worthy goal. He demonstrated leadership by caring about individuals. If you could get just those three principles into play in a business, it would drive performance unlike anything the world has seen.”

Gelwix keeps former players involved by asking them to write letters and send pictures to players who will be wearing their jersey numbers and playing their positions.

“He made me want to work; to want to sweat and die for the team,” said Andrew Carver, who is a freshman at Snow College. “It was an honor to play for this team. To wear the same jersey as so many before you have.”
Before major rugby contests, the team does the Haka, a Maori choreographed war chant on the field. They do so knowing hundreds of former players around the world are stopping at the very same time to participate with them.

Gelwix often says if his coaching were just about Rugby he would have retired years ago. He says he finds it most rewarding when a player tells him that, “You changed my life.”

“When you change one person’s life,” he said. “you change generations.”

Q&A With Anthony Cannon: Coach Gelwix Taught Us Never To Give Up

Anthony Cannon played under coach Larry Gelwix on the Highland Rugby team for four years.

What motivated you to play for Coach Gelwix?

I was introduced to Highland Rugby at an early age. My brother was playing for the team, while I was in elementary school. He had such a good experience that it made me want to play. But something else happened while my brother was playing, our dad passed away, it was a tragic event. I remember that Larry came over to our house several times to meet with my brother to talk with him, and find out how he was doing. As I little boy I saw that, how he was coming to check in and take care of him, find out how things were going though a difficult time. While it meant a lot to my brother it also meant a lot to me. Someone was taking an interest, not just in my older brother, but in our family.

Larry treated me kindly and even gave me a T-shirt. He invited me to come play for them. When I wore that shirt to school, I felt important; I was being recruited at such an early age to come play Highland Rugby. So when I did reach high school, I was excited to go play for Larry, to play for the rugby team. I was excited to experience this team that I had heard about, and finally have my own experiences in.

What made Highland Rugby different than other sport teams you played with?

Larry had a way to teach principles to the players. I remember feeling there was a greater sense of unity for this team compared to other teams I had played for. Larry’s leadership was different than I was used to. He would call on players at the end of practice to say how they thought the teams overall performance was. It wasn’t just team captains he would call on, he just wanted everyone to have the chance to stand up and speak to the team. It meant a lot to me, because I could see how boys would take ownership of the team when they had a chance to stand up and share their opinions.

Tells us about going to nationals and your experience working as a team.

My junior year, I was captain on the team. We had a difficult time coming together that year. We were a small team. We didn’t have as many boys who were big and strong, as we had in years past. We had lost a lot of the talent from the previous year. We were having a difficult year coming together and playing well. And this was not typical for the Highland team, who has a reputation for having a good team with plenty of talent, who works hard and perform well on the field. We did make it to finals that year, struggling through the season, but made it to the finals. At our first game in the national tournament, we struggled performance wise. We just couldn’t come together well. We made it though the game but it was ugly. Larry let us know that it was ugly, and that we needed to make a decision as a team. If we were going to come out and play as a team, because it was do or die. We were either going to be sent home ashamed or we were going to turn around and step up and meet the tradition that Highland has set. Larry encouraged us to work together on our own. We talked our problems out and tried to figure out what we were doing wrong. That was a turning point in our season; we came back for the next game, the semi-finals in the tournament and played as the Highland team should play. We turned it up; it was a great feeling. We felt like we were fighting for one another. Like we were playing for our brothers. We made it though that game, and then faced our archival in the championship game. We came out and went head to head with them and it was one of the greatest matches I have ever participated in. The people from Rugby Today said it was one of the greatest games for high school rugby they have ever seen. We ended up winning that game, but more than that we found what we were missing that year. It was our brotherhood, our feeling of tradition and responsibility that was handed down through the years from past players. It was incredibly rewarding experience. I think about that often and reflect on being disciplined and committed to a common purpose, and how that developed to unity on the team.

What did you learn playing on Highland that helped you to serve a mission?

One thing I always remember Larry teaching us at practice was that it didn’t matter how tired we got; we still had a job to do. We aren’t going to give up ‘til we finish what we need to accomplish. That was a principle that helped me as I served a mission. I am going to work hard regardless of how I feel and I am going to not give up until I get the job done. One of the team mottos is never give up, that stuck with me. One other thing that I learned was accountability. At times at practice, Larry would call on random players to give an account of their personal running program. I remember being a freshman and being terrified to be called on to report. It taught me that I needed to be ready to give an account of what my responsibilities are. At the time, we needed to be able to stand and tell the coach and team that we went out and did our running. Larry never would have yelled at you for not doing it. Rather he would have been disappointed in you, and that disappointment was worse than any kind of yelling or swearing storm he could have done. When I went on my mission, I knew I was accountable for my time and my efforts.

What do you personally think of Coach, and his character?

Larry is a tremendous guy. I was impressed with him from the get go. And playing on the team allowed me to get to know him personally everyday. He valued other people’s opinions. He said that you can tell the value of a person by how he treats others he doesn’t need. He compared this to a senior on the team, how he would treat a freshman, or someone he didn’t need. Larry practiced this by asking the team how we were doing, it didn’t matter their position. He asked what he thought we could do better as a team and that he could do better as a coach. I remember being taken back at the question. I didn’t think he needed to do better, but I was impressed that he would have that idea to ask my opinion of how he was doing as a coach.

Tell us about the interaction with your grandfather, Elder Wirthlin, and playing for a World Championship in South Africa?

In 1998 Highland Rugby went to South Africa. I had an older brother and a cousin playing that year, so I went to the airport to see them off. My grandfather, Elder Wirthlin, went as well. That meant a lot to Larry and the boys. It meant a lot that he showed support for the Highland Rugby team. My grandfather, Elder Wirthlin, became a supporter of the Highland Rugby team because he had four grandsons who played for Coach Gelwix. I remember when my grandfather would come to my games. It was a special thing, that he was showing that much support for us. Larry adopted the practice of the having the boys coming up after to shake my grandfathers hand. I know the boys enjoyed it, and my grandfather felt privileged to have some part in the Highland Rugby program. My grandfather would often tell me that it was a great experience to be associated with that team. I remember whether I was in season or not, he would ask how the rugby team was doing. I said that we’re doing well and starting practice in a month. He would do his characteristic head nod and say, “It’s a great program and that’s a great coach. He has done some amazing things.” I remember thinking that it was an amazing thing that my grandfather was aware of what I was doing, but he was endorsing my involvement with Highland Rugby.

I remember even after my time at Highland Rugby was finished, in 2007, I attended the national championship as a spectator watching Highland Rugby play in the championship. I remember looking over in the stand and seeing my grandfather there with my aunt. I was impressed that he was not just showing his support while I was there, but was showing his support even now when he didn’t have a grandson on the team. I still remember Larry bringing my grandfather down on the field after Highland had won and the boys coming up one by one shaking his hand. I remember thinking this was a great thing that he could be part of this story and give the boys this memory as well.

Every season, Larry would get a group of boys together and take them up to my grandfather’s office downtown. That was a special visit for all of us as we got to sit in the office, shake his hand, and listen to the counsel and experiences he shared with us. He would share lessons that he learned from playing football for the University of Utah, and how those later helped him on his mission to Germany and Switzerland. Then he would tell us that we needed to believe in the lessons that Coach Gelwix was teaching us. He instructed that there was no better way to prepare than working hard and being dedicated to the Highland Rugby team.

What was it like being a team captain for two years?

When I was a junior, I was elected to be captain. It was a frightening experience for me because usually it was the seniors who were captains on the team. I remember being uncertain if I could live up to both the culture and tradition of Highland Rugby. I remember Coach taking me under his wing and teaching me how to be a captain. It was basically pretty simple: you have to be the part. Larry taught me that I needed to be a “doer” and that was the best way to be a captain on the team. That year was a hard time coming together as a team. And it was a difficult time for us as a team, so we had to fight together as a group of boys to live up to what we had been given by previous players for the Highland Rugby team.

I think the best experience I had being captain, was not just one experience but rather the culmination of lessons being there taught by coach. He taught me the principles of discipline, hard work, honesty, commitment, and not doing anything to embarrass yourself, your family, or our church. These are principals that I was able to carry on my mission, that have helped me since that time. I think about them often as I am placed in positions of influence or when I am placed in organizations where I have influence.

Tell us an experience where you used these leadership skills?

I think the number one principle that stands out in my mind, was the principle of not giving up. It was demonstrated on the team when I played by just working our tails off. That was something I took into the mission field - where you are working hard every day and sometimes feel like you want to go in and call it a day. But remembering what my experiences were on the rugby team helped me to work hard and be Forever Strong. And that was a way that I was able to apply those into my mission experience.

Q&A With Musician and Former Highland Rugby Player Jon Schmidt

Can you tell us about an experience you had with the Highland Rugby team?

The most amazing thing was in the first week, the first practice, my friend said, “Just so you know, Larry, on purpose tries to weed people out, so the first practice he tries to freak people out a little bit.”  I remember it was muddy…there was a little bit of snow left on the March field and we all lined up for separaters — which is a football term where two guys basically come at each other full speed for tackling drills, and I had always done those with pads my whole life, so to see these being done without pads was just kind of amazing to me.  And I think, easily, about half of the kids that were there for that practice left and didn’t come back the next practice.

Tell us about an experience with Coach where he has mentored you and what the team stands for.

Just humor.  The whole idea of “don’t take yourself too seriously,” that was such a hallmark of Larry.  They really could have brought that out in the movie and it would have been a comedy.  It would have changed that show to a comedy because he was always, I would say, not more than five minutes would pass without him telling some sort of joke or putting a humorous twist on things.  I never once heard him rip into a player or talk to him like a kid, like in a condescending manner.  Not once.  Always very respectful and just talked to you like he respected you — like he treated like what you could become, not the dorky teenager that you were.

Tell us about the principles Coach taught you.

There was a lot of emphasis on your character, not just your sports ability, but who who you were inside.  A lot of emphasis on that from day one.

Tell us about the trip to Hawaii.

One of the things that I will never forget about Larry was when we were sitting on a beach in Hawaii — we were there for a tournament — we were just sitting there, it was me and another player and Larry on the beach.  The other player was trying to challenge Larry a little bit, see if he could stump him a little bit with some of his questions.  He said, “There are so many guys that just party and have a lot of fun in high school and don’t worry about living the standards of the church and then they repent and go on a mission and everything’s great.”  And he says, “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t just do that.”  And Larry’s answer was so great.  You know, the seminary teacher in him was – he was a master teacher.  He took out the stick, drew in the sand and I think he referred to Doctrine and Covenants 50 where it says he that continues in God receives light and that light grows brighter — or receives more light — and that light grows brighter and brighter till the perfect day.  And he said, “Okay, let’s take two 16-year-olds and the one lives the commandments and he’s going to grow this much light in the next four, five years by the time he’s ready to get married.  Then you take the 16-year-old that doesn’t care about light and he has this much light at the same point four years later.”  Then he asks him, “Which one would you rather be?”  You know, “Which one’s going to attract you a better wife?  Which one’s going to give you more advantages in your future life: to be in this situation or that situation?”  It was just the perfect answer, and given with humor I’m sure, but you know, it was great.  It was one that actually stuck with me and I’ve actually given that lesson now to probably hundreds of people when I’ve been teaching throughout the years.

Tell us the story about when you guys went to Nationals.

The year we went to the National Championships, I had committed to play — to accompany — for my father’s choir and we had been rehearsing for months.  I think we were using some sort of synthesizer that night and there really was no way for anyone to take my place.  It was just one of those deals where I had this commitment to my dad.  We came to find out that the National Championship would be played the same weekend as the choir concert and Larry never once made me feel guilty or feel pressure or anything like that.  In fact, he supported my commitment to my dad and told me how he admired it and it was heartfelt.  And he tried every way to bend over backwards to help me to be able to participate in the National Championships and the plan was that if we made it to the finals then I would have to hurry to the airport and catch the last flight out that day and make it back for my dad’s concert.  And we did get to the finals and I had to miss that last game and Larry personally drove me to the airport and the whole way it was nothing but support and admiration that I felt for him for keeping that commitment to my dad.  And I know that he felt that it was not an ideal situation for the team to have somebody step in last minute to take my place in the back line because it kind of fouls up the rhythm when you’re not used to the person next to you.  They ended up losing. But I think the whole team learned that Larry puts sports second and puts people first.  If there was an issue in their life that superseded sports, he had no problem making that number one. That’s something that will always live with me and something that I will always admire Larry Gelwix for.  I think that in my own life, it’s made me put my family first in my career. A music career can so easily wipe out your family things, but I’m so glad that I think that right from the start as I tried to structure my career, I was able to avoid things right from the get-go that probably would’ve gotten in the way of me being a father and those types of things.  Larry was just a great example that way.

How did playing for Highland and playing for Coach get you on your mission? And where did you serve?

Just having Larry’s influence, his example – there was never a question that the Gospel was number one priority in his life.  You felt his testimony whenever you’re around him.  It was just a great reinforcement to my testimony that was young at the time, just to hear – just to be with him.  I’m sure that it influenced me not only to go on a mission but to value things that are most important.  It’s hard to keep a perspective on those things – especially when you’re a teenager – but Larry Gelwix just seemed to always have perspective.  That’s his gift – he just always has perspective.

Has what you’ve learned helped you to be a better father?

I think one thing that makes a good father is somebody that keeps their priorities in place.  It’s so easy, when you get into your career, it’s so easy to get off balance.  But to see an example of somebody who kept their priorities straight was amazing.  Saying people are more important than a game – that’s pretty cool from a coach.

Here’s why I respect Larry Gelwix: he has integrity.  He would back up what he said and you knew that he never said one thing and did another.  He was not duplicit at all.  I admire him so much because he taught everybody about hard work.  Those practices were very, very demanding and he expected and got the best out of those kids.  I’ll never forget when he said at the beginning of the season, “If you do exactly what I say, we won’t lose.”  One of the things he wanted was you running your two miles every night after practice.  He wanted you giving your full effort. And just the way he would get it out of you… I admire Larry Gelwix because he didn’t talk down, he respected the kids that he worked with and somehow he did it all with amazing humor.  I really respect the way he did it all with a sense of humor.

I think Larry Gelwix has really helped me as a teacher.  I’ve been teaching a lot in my church callings and I will often use things that I heard Larry Gelwix teach.  And I will often remember, I will often think to myself, “You know, Larry Gelwix could say this with a sense of humor, so I feel totally comfortable saying it with a sense of humor.”  I think it’s allowed me to reach a lot of youth that I probably would have never been able to reach had I never known Larry Gelwix.

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JON SCHMIDT IN CONCERT

Q&A With Cafe Rio CEO Bob Nilsen

Tell us how you came across playing for Highland rugby and what year it was.
I was a senior.  It was the second year in the history of the team.  It was roughly 33 years ago.
Larry was a seminary teacher, he was a young guy about 25 or 26.  At the time, he seemed old to us but as I look back, he was a kid.  Somehow I got to know him and some of my friends were playing.  We went out, started to play and we fell in love with the game.  I think more so we fell in love with Larry — Coach Gelwix — his approach and the whole thing.  It’s a tough game — a lot of big hits, a lot of camaraderie.  We wound up going with the team to Hawaii for our senior graduation…  Such a short event has had a profound impact on my life.  It’s amazing to me.

How does what coach taught relate to you in business? (The story of Hong Kong)

At a leadership conference once I was asked who my most influential teacher had been in my life, and I said it was Larry. And when asked to explain why, I said he cared about us, he loved us, he took an interest in us — he also taught us principles, but the love came first, and the caring.  Within just literally a handful of months, he had become my most influential teacher that I used on a totally unprompted basis many years later.

Tell us about how you came back to Utah and about your son Josh starting to play for Highland rugby.
We came back to Utah to take over Cafe Rio, which we had purchased.  I then reconnected with Coach Gelwix.  We’re great friends.  He takes a tremendous interest in me now — then and now.  We got talking and I said, “Josh could play,” and Larry said, “I’d love to come talk to him.”  So he came over to the house, took the time and effort and talked to him, brought him out, and before I knew it, Josh was on the team and playing.  And, I have to add, loving it.  He’s played soccer, he’s played a little cricket, he’s played basketball and this and that.  We were overseas for so many years that he didn’t know a lot of the American sports, but he took a liking to rugby unlike anything in his life up to this point.

Has it affected the relationship that you have with Josh? Why?
This has had a tremendously positive effect on our relationship.  At the age of 15 when sometimes the conversation doesn’t flow as perfectly as you would like it, we talk rugby.  We’re excited about rugby, we watch games on TV together, we’re around the house making passes — to the chagrin, sometimes, of my wife as we’re looking to break windows and almost everything in the house — we’re in a fair bit of trouble.  But the fact of the matter is she loves it, he loves it, I love it and it brings us together, something we love.

Let me just tell you one short story — one of the most impactful, heartfelt moments of my life.  When I came over the hill to where Highland Rugby was playing — the sun started to set a bit, the snow-capped mountains were there — and there was Josh just going at it in his game playing for Larry.  I was overwhelmed with a sense of love for my son, appreciation for this coach and just joy for the seasons of life and families and how they’re connected.  There I was watching my boy 33 years later play for this great coach, knowing that he’s having these fantastic experiences and being able to watch and enjoy it.  It was one of the most meaningful moments that I’ve had in my life.

Tell us how somebody affects your child more through those ages than what a parent can.
I’ve been a Young Men’s leader a number of times and the studies that the church has down show that at a certain point in a young man’s life, another leader aside from the young man’s father can have an enormous impact on how they perform, their aspirations, the things they choose in life and the decisions they make.  I believe that Larry has played that role.  He’s playing it now with Josh.  I know he’s had that same influence on the couple thousand plus young men that played for him.  I believe that they hear a lot of the important messages that parents are trying to teach and get through to them, but they hear it in a voice that breaks through — in a voice that’s clear.  And it reinforces the foundation that has already been set or that parents are working to establish.

Tell us about the vision of Coach — how it started when you played and how you see it now playing out with your son.
Well, there’s a picture of Coach with myself and my best friend in Hawaii, this was his second year, and already some of the principles that he now teaches, that he’s refined a bit over the 33 years — as a 25-year-old, he was teaching those principles.  He had us together, he taught us values, he taught us camaraderie.  He taught us standards, he taught us about not embarrassing people, ourselves or our families.   He was, as I earlier described, one of — if not the most — influential individuals.  And I was only with him for a number of months playing rugby in my senior year of high school.

How does that affect Josh now that his vision and principles are still the same?
Well the principles are principles that are just simply true and so they resonate.  But what Larry does is he puts them in an environment and through a voice and in a situation where they break through.  They reach the heart and reach in such a way that the boys want to live those principles for themselves, for their families, for their friends, for the team.  All those things come together and have a tremendously positive impact because of that.

Have you seen that impact on your son?
I have seen that impact on Josh.  He’s fierce on the field, wants to be tough, wants to hit, wants to play — in fact, he’s hoping that one day he’ll be good enough to get a scholarship. So the impact has been enormous and the principles are having a great impact on his life.  I just think he’s simply better because of it.  He comes back from his practices and he’s motivated, he’s inspired, he loves the game, he respects the coach, he loves the guys that he plays with.  So it’s a whole package of things that come together to impact him and the impact is profound.

Do you mind talking about how Coach steered Josh to the right path?
When I think of the things that we did when we were at his age, I don’t want to go there either.  We were not perfect.  Who is? He certainly is not. But I’ll tell you, the fact is, where the communication was at times strained between a dad and an older son and he’s trying to get his wings and fly and all of that, rubgy has served to be a conduit to allow for great conversation — something that we have in common and something that we love together.  Frankly, we’re kind of through that rough patch and we’re the best of buddies, and we were then, but there was a time when it wasn’t that easy.  And this is the time when Larry stepped into the picture and got him involved, and he also sees that his dad was not a total dud but kind of cool when he hears, “Dad played rugby…Dad did this and that…There’s Dad in Hawaii with Gelwix…Man, I never really saw my dad in that light before.”

What about your trip to Hawaii? You said the pennies dropped for Josh when he’d seen where you’d been.
My family was taking a trip to Hawaii and on the plane ride over, the movie “Forever Strong” was shown.  Couldn’t believe it.  We loved the movie and it had an impact then, but even having Josh watch that movie with the values, the teaching and those things, the impact was profound.  But I explained to Josh that I’d been over there 33 years ago with Larry playing two games.  I’d scored my first try, or touchdown — I had to explain it was my only touchdown, but Josh, the penny kind of dropped for him as Dad did this.  Dad was almost cool.  (Laughs) Let’s not go that far, but you know what I’m saying.  I was over there at the game, he’s got the picture of Larry, myself, my best friend, under the palm trees in Hawaii in his room — it connects us.  It connects us in a very real way.

You’ve seen the film “Forever Strong,” how closely do you think it relates to what Coach is teaching now?  If you were telling an audience about this film, what might you say about it?
It’s hard to get 33 years with 2,000 boys into an hour and a half film.  The lessons and the impact go so far beyond the film, it’s hard to even begin to describe.  The gap was wide even though the film was terrific.

What are things that (Larry) did at that young age in your life that helped mold you into what you would become?
He was always teaching us, but we didn’t know that we were being taught, but isn’t that the key?  To influence and to teach without being in someone’s face about it?  To gently, quietly point out things and to involve them?  But we wanted to be good for him.  We loved the guy.  We loved his coaching.  It was cool. The whole rugby thing was tremendously cool in our school.  The school would come out and watch it, so we wanted to be good for Larry.  He took a very active interest in our lives, in what we were doing. He spent time with us, he traveled with us, he was interested in us.  And we had a common love — it was rugby.

Do you feel like Coach Gelwix helped get you on that path (to a mission) or were you already there?
I was on that path. I was always going to serve a mission. But without a doubt, the values that he taught us helped keep us on a straighter and narrower path, shall we say?  I think there was more reinforcement of the same good things but from a voice that we wanted to listen to.

How about for your son?  Do you feel like it’s the same concept of 33 years ago, that he’s helping him prepare?
There’s no question that he’s helping Josh prepare.  Not only for a mission, but for life, in the lessons that he’s learning.  And of course he’s learning discipline on the field and toughness, leaving it all on the field, competitive spirit…we don’t talk too much about those things.  But to be an 18-time national champion, you get those things in spades, right?  A fierceness about playing, a toughness about hitting, an energy about giving everything to something.  And the thing is that track record that they get there serves them well in other things that they will do in their life.

How does that make you feel knowing that there’s this DVD that can be in the homes with those teachings?
Larry has a track record of 33 years of influencing young men and getting through to them. You’d be crazy to not want to watch it.  He’s done this time and time again and he does it so naturally.  So to not use that resource would just not be wise once you understand that it’s out there. It’ll be a tremendous asset to whoever because of the values and the principles that he teaches but, more importantly, the way that he teaches them.

What are some of those specific values he instills in those players?
The Word of Wisdom is one of them but he teaches principles at a higher level, that of not doing anything that would embarrass you or your family or the team, and so it establishes a broader parameter of, “Be a good person.  Do the right thing.”  And then the principles of the Word of Wisdom, attending church, service, staying clean, telling the truth — all of those things fall very nicely under that umbrella.

(On team experience)
I was on the second team.  It was amazing to be part of something that was so young and fresh and, frankly, unknown.  And now, 33 years later, my son is part of this powerhouse world championship team.  It’s so exciting to have known the beginning and to see where it is now and to know all of the great things that have happened in between.

(On Larry’s influence when he became a bishop)
Larry and I have had a great friendship over the years and we’ve been able to, since moving back, spend more time together.  And as I was called to be a bishop, he came and he coached me on a few things that I would want to think about and do to be a more effective bishop. One of them was to pay attention when someone says, “Bishop, do you have a minute?”  and to listen for those words and to know that there was someone in need.  And he also taught me a scripture in Nephi about how we might not know the meaning of all things but how much, “God loveth his children,” and as such, he would help the bishop — help me — to help those I had the opportunity to serve.

(On Larry still coaching)
Larry continues to be a coach in so many ways.  He will go into a Cafe Rio, he will be in line, and he will see something that he knows is happening in one of our restaurants and next thing I know, I will get a long e-mail and/or a call or a visit that says, “You know, you might want to think about this…you should train on this…” and it will be spot on.  Next thing you know, that e-mail is going out to every person on the whole Cafe Rio team.  Shoot, he’s still coaching me — on how to be a bishop, on how to run our business at Cafe Rio, on how to live our life and also with my son, which I love and appreciate.  But he does it in such a kind, gentle, unobtrusive way.

Once he watched a team member put pork on the burrito (at Cafe Rio) and they thought they’d over portioned so he’d take a little bit off.  Larry said, “No, no, no.  You’ve got to do it like the lady that does the jelly beans — you’ve got to put a little bit more on, a little bit more on, then you give them a wink and put a little bit more and a little bit more.  That’s the way you’ve got to do the pork on the burritos and the salads.  Next thing you know, the whole Cafe Rio system was, “We’ve got to put a little more pork on.  Never ever take the pork off!”  He’s always looking for a way to improve your life, your business, whatever, helping coach you.

The Real Story Behind Coach Larry Gelwix

I have been so blessed to coach Highland Rugby for 33 years. We’re not always the biggest, the fastest or the strongest. But we’ve seemed to develop a formula to help players play beyond their abilities. They’ve learned what it means to get knocked down in life and get back up.

It’s not about rugby. It’s about young men. It’s not about building a championship team. It’s about building championship boys, boys who will be forever strong.

Looking back, it’s the boys who really taught me. I have been so uplifted. I have been taught by these players and the lessons of life.

The Essence of Honor and Integrity is in the Messages You Convey

The essence of lie is not the words you choose, but the message you convey.

You can tell a lie even though you are saying factually accurate information.

For example, let’s say you go to a friend’s house, but before you go you promise your parents you are not going to go to the movies. But then, when you’re with your friend you still go to the movies.

When you get home that night and your parents ask you, “What did you do tonight?” And you tell them you went over to your friend’s house. What you said is factually true, but the message you conveyed was a lie.

The essence of honor and integrity is not the words you use, but the message you convey.